After ending a relationship, many people choose to cut off contact with their ex and treat them like strangers. However, not a few also choose to stay on good terms and make friends. Actually, friends with ex is necessary or not, huh?
Parting with someone who once filled the heart is certainly not an easy matter. In addition to feeling sad, lost, and stressed, you may also think about how your relationship with your ex-boyfriend after a breakup will be, whether it can continue as friends or really end.
Basically, being friends with an ex is a choice of each individual. Some choose to cut ties and try to live a new life with move on, but there are also those who choose to be friends for certain reasons.
Reasons Why People Choose to Be Friends with Exes
A study revealed that about 40% of people are still on good terms with their ex. Most of them don't communicate very often, maybe only once a month. A small number of others communicate several times a week.
Some of the factors that make a person still in a relationship with an ex include:
- Have a fruitful relationship, such as a job or a business
- Ex is still part of the group of friends
- Feeling like you've spent a lot of time and done a lot with your ex
- Looking at your ex as a "backup" if one day your new relationship fails
- Don't want to lose the support and trust that you previously got from your ex
- Financial problems
- Want to be polite and don't want to hurt your ex's feelings
- Still have feelings for your ex
So, Should or Not Be Friends with Your Ex?
Before making a decision, you need to understand first the purpose of the friendship itself. If you think of your ex as just a “back”, this can actually damage your relationship with your current partner. So better, you no longer need to communicate with your ex.
You also need to limit or even avoid communicating with your ex if your previous relationship was filled with negativity, such as emotional or physical abuse, and were trapped in a toxic relationship.
People who toxic usually have a possessive behavior. So, even though you have ended the relationship, he could still be controlling and interfering with your life. This can make it difficult for you to move on, even hinder your steps to establish relationships with other people.
On the other hand, it's okay to be friends or keep in touch with your ex if you and your ex are in an important relationship, such as a business or a co-worker.
However, this relationship must remain limited, yes. Because whatever the goal, being friends with an ex can cause problems, for example jealousy from a new partner or failure move on.
If you and your ex want to be friends, you and your ex should really realize and admit that the two of you are no longer lovers. You also have to behave like friends, no more like when you are in a relationship. Don't let your friendship with your ex hurt other people's hearts.
A psychologist advises those who want to be friends with their ex to cut off contact for at least 6 months to 1 year in advance. This is done to give each party time to really move on and ready to start a life of friendship.
This method also prevents yourself from feeling heartbroken and jealous when you see your ex is already with someone else.
If you don't want to be in a relationship with your ex, that's fine. However, if the circumstances allow it to be friends with your ex, be friends naturally. The most important thing is to be friends or not with your ex, you still have to live life well in the future, yes.
If friendship with your ex makes you feel depressed or prevents you from forming new relationships with other people, it never hurts to consult a psychologist who specializes in dealing with this problem.
